She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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