At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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