if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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