the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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