I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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