He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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