dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
