Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
