mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
