My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
