I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just invented taco cereal.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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