um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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