So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
