I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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