and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
