GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
