Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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