I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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