your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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