Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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