I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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