you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
