Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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