I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
