don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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