Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
