just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
