What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
