come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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