? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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