I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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