Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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