It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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