guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
