Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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