Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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