Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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