Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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