My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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