Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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