Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
