He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
