Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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