two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When are your genitals available?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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