Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
