She's JV to your varsity
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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