I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
