there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
