M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
