I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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