I smell stomach acid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you traded sex for a burrito?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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