I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
