so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize