I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
