I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
