tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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