Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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