i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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