a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
