A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
