My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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