dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
