I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
