I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
