Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Say something about gay babies.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
