im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
