I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
