i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
